just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
