No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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