idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
