some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
