Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
