I accidentally burped into my bong.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
