JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
