No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
