community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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