You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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