just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
