ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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