Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just blew my weed a kiss
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
