I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
