Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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