If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
