It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
