Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
