you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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