where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
