It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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