She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
