he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
