I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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