the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
