i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
