I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have so much sex to catch up on
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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