In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
