well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
