I must be too annoying 4 u.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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