Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
