38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
