1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
