whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
