I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
