A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this boner is exhausting
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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