omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you had me at cake vodka
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
