I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
