Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
