I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
