He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
