it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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