when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
