They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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