I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
