Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
