so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
