I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
