We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
