I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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