i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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