Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
