checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
